Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
