I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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