so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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