Please, let me fuck your mom
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The power of my boobs compel you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
