his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
