she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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