Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Randomize
