I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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