I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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