What did we do last night that was yellow?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
i believe in u and ur pee
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
