I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
