did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
