My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
i now understand why vodka
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
