I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
