i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
