Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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