..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
