hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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