bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
