Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
