Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Randomize
