I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You are the jesus of drinking
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
