so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
