im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
