Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
