I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I need to calm my uterus...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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