my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
