Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
