3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i jhust puked up my retainher.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
