my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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