Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
