what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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