Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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