That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
