I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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