my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
