that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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