So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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