Cold hands, warm shart.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
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