made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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