It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
