I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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