...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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