Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
