fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
