I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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