I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
