Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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