In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
