you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
