I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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