some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
