i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
